Broken
by Naheniel
Summary: What does House feel about Stacy? And even more, what does he feel when she suddenly wants him back? This is a look inside the rough shell of House and a revelation of the thoughts that might lie behind the toughness. Season 2


**AN:** Hi, this is my first attempt with a story about House. I would appreciate feedback very much to get my writing better.

I tried to catch the feelings of House towards Stacy, and although these are not words he would ever speak I think this is what it might look like inside him. If you have any advice I would be happy about it, I will ignore mere flames though.

Now enjoy!

* * *

Broken.

He was broken, visibly, but that was not the worst crack that he had. Sure his leg hurt, he couldn´t walk without the aid of a walking stick but that was only physical, only his pride that hurt at most. He was like a stained fruit with a rotten core. Since the day he had lost parts of the muscle in his leg, his soul was broken, although he never spoke about it, she had felt it. She had betrayed him as she made the decision to let him have this surgery that made him the man he was now and he had punished her every day of their relationship since.

Was it fair? Some days when the pain was less and he could think more clearly, he felt that she only wanted to save his live and that she didn´t love him less because of this new disability, those where the moments when he regretted what he had done to her. Sometimes he wished that these days of remorse were more often, but the pain was stronger than those moments. And when it came he thought that she had had no right to force him to live as a disabled and with this present pain, even forgetting that it had at least let him keep his leg.

Suddenly he woke up and he realised that it was too late. Stacy had gone. For a while she had stayed with him, hoping that the wound in his soul would heal even if his leg would not, but hope was elusive, he was never the same again. Sure he was never the sweet attentive man so many women were looking for, but he had loved her, and she had loved him and his ways.

He knew that she had felt guilty ever since she had made that severe decision while he was in coma, and as the man loving her he should have assured Stacy that it was the only thing to save him, and that he would become less angry, but he couldn´t. Not because he didn´t love her anymore, but because he couldn´t feel it, after all the pain buried to much then and does still.

He had learned all that in the years she was not there, he had learned that he had made mistakes although he had never admitted it to anyone. Instead he had pushed feelings aside, and it helped him in being on of the best diagnostics, but it made him lonely and maybe it made him even more broken than he was before.

Even the little girl had seen it when she came into his office and asked him if he was only sad because his leg hurt, but it seemed as if this little child knew that the answer was no. Children where clever, sometimes more than adults, like the little girl with the cancer that chose to stay alive because she felt her mother needed her, like this little blond girl that was here with her sick mum and had asked him this question.

Stacy was back, a few weeks already, at first she had come here with her new husband, and it was almost the same situation like it was those years ago when she was here with him, but again she had saved a life with her decision. She had kissed him only a few days ago in the hotel room, she had slept with him only yesterday and now she had told him that she would leave Mark for him.

It was all he had wished since he had first met her again, she had said he was the one and he would always be, already but she didn´t want to leave Mark then. Now things had changed, changed her mind but also his.

He was not over it yet, not over what had happened a few years ago. So how long would this new relationship hold? A few weeks? A few months? He couldn´t tell, since he couldn´t measure the damage of his soul anymore nor could he admit that the anger that drove Stacy away was gone, or would ever fade completely. He was scared, scared that it could happen all over again, he would hurt her even if it was unwillingly but he would hurt her nevertheless and she would turn away again.

He couldn´t bear it, he realised that he was to much broken to survive another break-up and he knew that she didn´t deserve it. She deserved to be happy, and he was not sure if he could make that come true. It seemed though to him as if Mark would not only heal physically but mentally too, and so although he still loved her, and knew that he always would, he said that he did not wanted the relationship anymore and left her standing in her office even knowing that she might cry no matter how strong she was and drove home alone...


End file.
